At breakfast, Jerry asks what’s new at school while playing on his Android tablet (because iPads are retarded). Morty explains a lunch lady died and her body was found with two holes in her neck. Rick explains it’s obviously a vampire.
Summer is surprised at the existence of vampires, and both Rick and Morty belittle her. Summer suggests Rick turn himself into a teenager to come into school and help them hunt the vampire down.
Morty and Rick mock Summer’s pitch because, as Rick puts it with his reverse-ask, “Why in the fuck would I ever do that ever? And how dare you even ask me that? And why aren’t you more ashamed of yourself?”
Summer turns to her dad for help, and he sides with Rick, angering Beth. When Beth and Jerry start arguing, Rick tells them to either fix their marriage or get a divorce already. Jerry explains they’ve tried couple’s therapy, and Rick dismisses the earth therapist, recommending an off-planet therapist with a 100% success rate.
Rick immediately pulls Beth and Jerry away from the table to attend much-needed couple’s therapy, setting off one of their better story arcs. While Morty ponders the possibility of their divorce, Summer says it’s nice to dream and heads out to make wooden stakes.
Rick booked Beth and Jerry a two-day intensive at Nuptia 4, the universe’s most successful couple’s counseling institute.
Quotable Quote – Rick: “They can save the marriage of a dog and a bar of dark chocolate. They can save the marriage of a porn star and a porn star.”
As Beth and Jerry continue to argue, Rick briefly considers purging his passengers, but barely makes it a few feet above the ground in front of the institute before literally dropping them off. Jerry calls Rick a jerk, and Beth defends her father for being the reason their kids are only half stupid, which takes a moment for Jerry to work out.
Glexo Slimslam (Jim Rash, Community‘s Dean) shows up and welcomes them to Nuptia 4, bringing them inside to be hooked up to a machine which isolates the part of the subject’s brain containing all perceptions of their romantic partner.
When Jerry’s perception of Beth is brought to life, it turns out to be a giant, evil, black widow scorpion hybrid. Beth is offended and wants him to take it back, but Slimslam explains there’s nothing to regret.
Now it’s Beth’s turn to materialize her perceptions of Jerry, which turns out to be a cowardly worm.
Quotable Quote – Glexo: “I think we all see what you both mean…”
Meanwhile at Harry Herpson High School, Summer is searching for leads on the vampire. Morty wants to let it go, but when he shuts his locker door sees Tiny Rick. Tiny Rick explains he thought about what Summer said and decided not to be a grumpy douche.
Tiny Rick gets Morty and Summer excited about the prospect of working together as a team. When Toby Matthews walks past, Tiny Rick introduces himself. Toby greets Summer, who has a crush on him, and Tiny Rick appears to be a really cool kid.
The next step of couple’s therapy is to watch each others’ mythologues interact together, and uh, big surprise, it’s never pretty. They start by watching Zar and Garbidar Glutch’s mythologues, which are hideous beasts separated by an energy field.
As soon as the field is lowered, Zar’s mythologue squirts acid out her nipples, Garbidar responds by choking Zar with his tongue, which is soon ripped off, though Garbidar eventually knocks out Zar. As Garbidar celebrates victory, Zar jumps on him from behind, biting his head and killing him.
Slimslam reminds everyone we’re not the monsters we sometimes see each other as, and that none of this is real. As he continues explaining how much better we are than our mythologues because we can work together and communicate, Beth’s mythologue notices Jerry’s is subservient and communicates with him. They immediately start working together.
With the vampire (Coach Feratu) successfully dealt with, Tiny Rick congratulates everyone on the two-for-one of killing a vampire and gym teacher.
Summer asks how Rick’s old body is staying alive, and he answers it’s hyperbaric quantum fluid, which preserves living tissue. As Tiny Rick is about to go back into his old body, Summer receives a text from Toby about a party, asking if Tiny Rick will be there. Rick decides to delay returning to his old body so they can down some brews.
Morty and Summer are excited about being able to hang out more with Tiny Rick.
Back on Nuptia 4, the therapy group is about to watch Beth and Jerry’s mythologues fight, but they’re missing. When Slimslam calls to have the cell checked, everyone watches in horror as the guard is attacked by Beth, who was hiding behind a blackened and stretched out Jerry.
Slimslam tries to lock the cell down, but the Smith mythologues escape. Slimslam tries to evacuate calmly, but Beth’s mythologue quickly crashes through a wall and confronts the group, with Jerry’s cowering around her neck.
Quotable Quote – Slimslam: “They’re co-dependeeeeent!!! Run!!!”
Beth’s mythologue kills more guards.
At the house, Summer and Morty are talking to their crushes (Toby and Jessica, respectively) at a party. Tiny Rick starts playing guitar and singing lyrics straight from his heart:
“Let me out. What you see is not the same person as me. My life’s a lie – I’m not who you’re looking at. Let me out. Set me free. I’m really old. This isn’t me. My real body’s slowly dying in a vat. Is anybody listening? Can anyone understand? Stop looking at me like that and actually help me! Help me! Help me – I’m gonna die!”
Jessica and Toby are enjoying the music, and Morty is willing to ignore the lyrics because he likes Jessica.
The Smith mythologues continue their killing spree, with Beth’s clearly in charge. Beth, Jerry, and Slimslam hide in a room, where they begin assigning blame. Slimslam explains its very bad that their demonized mythologues are cooperating, and they have the single worst relationship he’s ever witnessed.
After unloading his disdain for their relationship, Jerry and Beth are suddenly in agreement that this is bad couple’s therapy. Totally.
The three run for an escape pod, but there’s only room for one. Slimslam says he’s a therapist and can talk to them, then runs, boards the plane, and urges it to take off and leave them because they’re not therapists.
Beth wants to find a control room to contact her dad, but Jerry finds a small, hinged panel with a tiny amount of space behind it. He hides in it and suggests she find one as well. Beth explains they each have a shot alone, but together, they don’t. Just then, Beth’s mythologue appears and captures Beth, sending Jerry’s mythologue after him.
Mr. Goldenfold is so impressed with Tiny Rick and Morty’s great party, he dismisses class. Summer asks Tiny Rick when he plans to return to his old body. Tiny Rick and Morty try to chill Summer out.
Summer explains Tiny Rick and Old Rick are two different Ricks, showing them a drawing Tiny Rick drew that says, “Help me Morty and Summer!”
Tiny Rick dismisses it as his emo streak, but Summer sees the wall that kids naturally build around bad thoughts. Those bad thoughts are the real Rick, and Summer realizes real Rick is trapped behind teen angst. Tiny Rick calls Summer a psycho before leaving to get ready for the dance.
When Summer tries talking to Morty, he tells her to get her shit together.
Jerry is tired of running from his mythologue and turns to fight. His mythologue immediately cowers, and Jerry realizes this is what Beth thinks of him. The mythologue turns around to allow Jerry access to his butthole, but Jerry yells, “No! Nobody’s doing that!”
Beth’s mythologue puts Beth in the machine to produce more Jerry’s – an army of Jerry’s. The value of his subservience can be used to dominate the universe.
Beth explains it’s better to make an army of her instead of the worms, but the mythologue says she’s the smartest, most powerful being in existence because Jerry thinks she’s better than she is.
At the school dance, Rick shows Morty and Jessica a new dance he made up, called “Ooh, let me out!” He sings,
“Let me out. Let me out. This is not a dance. I’m begging for help. I’m screaming for help. Please come let me out. (x2) I’m dying in a vat in the garage.”
The last line strikes Morty as strange, but he’s quickly distracted by Jessica. Summer decides to take things into her own hands and involves the principal, ratting out Tiny Rick for killing Coach Feratu.
Principal Vagina explains the school board will keep it quiet since he was a vampire, but Tiny Rick is still being expelled. Tiny Rick angrily confronts Summer and calls her out for being a psycho nerd who got him kicked out of school. The school quickly turns on Summer and starts booing her, which makes Morty uncomfortable.
Jerry shows up in the room where Beth is being forced to create Jerry mythologues, and upon seeing him, Beth starts producing regular Jerry’s instead of worms. Jerry is killing Jerry mythologues en masse, but is soon overrun.
His act of heroism changed Beth’s perception of him, and now muscular Jerry mythologues are being produced, which save Jerry from the Jerry worms. Jerry notices the correlation and tries to overdo his heroism, which immediately turns Beth off and regular Jerry’s are produced again.
Tiny Rick enters the garage to kill regular Rick, but Morty stops him just in time. Tiny Rick calls Summer a bitch, and Morty fights him to defend her.
While Morty holds Tiny Rick down, Summer puts an earbud in his ear and forces him to listen to Elliott Smith, which depresses Tiny Rick. He quickly becomes his old self and realizes he’s going to die and his body isn’t real.
Tiny Rick battles crippling depression to explain how to change him back to his old body and asks that they hurry because he hates being a teenager.
The battle of the Jerry’s continues to rage, and Jerry tries freeing Beth while his mythologues dogpile on hers. When he fails to bend metal, Beth is immediately critical, which begins another argument. Jerry insults Beth, and the Jerry mythologue defends her. This makes Jerry realize how to defeat her mythologue.
Jerry puts the helmet on one of his muscular mythologues and creates a Beth goddess.
Quotable Quote – Jerry: “Honey – when it comes to your ego, I’m Stephen-fucking-Hawkinson.”
Beth tells Jerry she loves him.
Rick is restored to his old body, which is naked and Summer continuously reminds him to put on his pants. When he turns to hit the lever that lowers the garage into his secret lab, Summer has to dodge Rick’s penis right before it hits her arm.
Rick declares Operation Phoenix a bad fallback and begins killing all the Rick clones in front of Morty and Summer while still nude.
Still nude and now covered in blood, Rick goes to pick up Beth and Jerry, who have decided to reconcile at least until Morty graduates.
Rick warns them there’s a bunch of dead Ricks in the garage, which is just a cosmic coincidence Jerry’s tiny brain sees as thematic.
After the credits, the vampire leader is notified of the death of Coach Feratu. The head vampire has an issue with the name chosen and tells all the vampires to call themselves something like Alan Jefferson when taking on a fake name. He then goes back to feeding on humans.
Brian Penny is a former business analyst and operations manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. His work has appeared on Huffington Post, Fast Company, The Street, High Times, BBC, and Hardcore Droid.