Drug Legalization, Tinder Dating, and Meth Syringes

Dear Brian,
Is legalizing drugs the best (or at least efficient) way to beat the drug dealers?

There are two types of drug dealers – those who sell drugs and those who rob salesmen.

From a consumer standpoint, think about a car. You can buy a car from anywhere, but you take the time to use widely available research tools online to educate yourself on the vehicle (using a VIN, make, and model), seller, and even the marketplace (Ebay, autotrader, craigslist).

With so many options so widely available to purchase a car, you as a consumer are able to perform due diligence in choosing which car you purchase and from whom. There are also laws in place to protect you from being ripped off, confirm title transfer history, etc.

Advocates of drug legalization aren’t pushing for a world where everyone is high and acting like we’re all stuck in a nonstop rave 

What drug decriminalization advocates want is for information to be widely available to people won’t accidentally mix the wrong cocktails or devolve into criminal behavior simply to obtain drugs.

Drugs are widely available, and legalization isn’t going to create an immaculate conception situation where they suddenly appear out of nowhere. Thousands of people work in the drug industry, and research is hindered by drug scheduling and overly harsh penalties.

Dear Brian,
How do I wash blood out of meth that was in a syringe?

There are certain points in life where you have to stop, realize the position you’re in, and make some changes in life.

I’m all for drug experimentation, but when you reach the point where you’re recovering meth from a used needle, the answer is don’t.

Have you learned nothing from the AIDS scare of the 80’s? Sharing needles is a bad idea. If you’re not in a clear enough state of mind to understand why that’s a terrible idea, you’re in a bad place and need to seek help.

Drugs are meant to enhance certain experiences, but when that experience becomes so all-consuming in your life that you can’t use common sense, you have an addiction.

I hope you find a way to pull yourself together.

Dear Brian,
How do I get out of this? I am facing jail time. What is some advice?

Please help me I need legal advice…I just found out my fiance cheated on me and has been sending people nude photos of herself. I was so hurt and angry I got drunk and emailed an acquaintance from an anonymous email stating “I have nude pictures of your girlfriend  <insert girlfriend’s name>, send me more nude pictures otherwise i will release then on social media”. They called the police and the email was traced back to me. I was arrested and charged with “Computer tampering, a class 5 felony and Harassment through communication”. I was really drunk which is no excuse but I honestly had no real expectation of getting photos and I dont have any photos to threaten with. It was a stupid prank and I didn’t mean it. I was just lost in my self despair and I had a momentary lapse of judgement. I am looking at jail time if I am convicted.  What are my chances, it’s my first offense… please help me.
What I’ve learned from my time in the system is this:

Buy a decent quality rubber glove (medical, not dishwashing) and fill each finger with a different spice or tobacco. Cut off each finger, seal them by pressing the open end with an iron or hair straightener, and swallow the fingers.

These spices will be your currency in jail and make you friends, give you something to contribute to spreads, and decent food every so often yourself.

Why do guys on Tinder just stop responding?

I matched with a guy that I really liked and I decided to be brave and initiate. We exchanged a couple messages and then out of the blue he stopped responding. It’s been about a week, what gives? If it helps, he never really asked me questions. He did respond politely but not with long answers (which makes me think he was messaging back just to be nice).
There are a lot of reasons I stop responding to someone on Tinder, and only one of them has anything to do with the other person.

All of these real-life scenarios have caused me to stop talking to someone on Tinder in the last year.

1) Life got busy and dating became less of a priority.
2) I was incarcerated.
3) I moved somewhere else.
4) I met someone else.
5) We just didn’t click and couldn’t push past small talk after a dozen or so interactions.

So if you feel like you really clicked, it was something external. You can’t do anything about it. If you push too hard, you become clingy or easy, and what could’ve been a nice guy will devolve into a lazy dude in a half-assed relationship (or with a booty call, FWB, etc.).

Chalk it up as a loss and move on. The more you think about it, the more you’ll either internalize and imagine his responses or stress about something wrong with you or the guys you choose to date. Everything’s good. Life just works that way sometimes.

Just to give you a little insight into how I use Tinder as a guy…

I used to use Match for two years and met about two dozen women through it during that time. It took about 4 months before I met my first one. What I was doing wrong was nothing more than an inefficiency.

As a woman, you simply need to set up an account, and guys will immediately want to sleep with you. That’s how the Internet works (and people in general, because the Internet is people).

I had an account for two months before I even got a girl to respond more than just once. I would spend all this time reading these profiles and try to come up with an icebreaker, and eventually I gave up reading these profiles. The most efficient process was to send a quick message to every single woman online.

That message? “How you doin?”

That’s all it took to start a conversation – it provided the signal of interest and solicited a response from a woman. At that point I could be bothered to check out her photos and read up on her because the wand chose me.

When my first 6 months were up, I solicited the free 6 months from their guarantee and decided it was time to up my game, as I had already contacted every woman within a 50 mile radius of my zip code that was on that site at least twice.

On my 31st birthday, I decided to change my name from Mr. Brian Penny to Dr. Brian Penny, and in order to commemorate the moment, I decided to tell the best online lie you can tell a woman. I changed my education level from “Chose not to answer” to “Doctorate.”

If I said I made more money than I did, I’d eventually have to prove it. You would know I’m lying when I show up broke. All I had to do to prove I’m a doctor is engage in an intelligent conversation with her on a date. My…we’ll call it a conversion rate…exponentially increased.

As a doctor, women were finally contacted me. It was as though I performed digital plastic surgery.

When my account expired and I started travelling more I switched to Tinder, which had already figured out the exact method I used to find dates. I go to a new city, swipe right on every woman, and begin a conversation with whoever likes me back to find a local to show me around the area.

My goal is to learn more about your city, and if our schedules don’t perfectly mesh and the timing isn’t right, I’ll probably fall out of contact. It’s nothing against you, and I wish you nothing but the best. 🙂

Happy dating from just another random guy on those online dating apps.

Brian Penny whistleblower Army VersabilityBrian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. His work has appeared in High Times, Fast Company, Cannabis Now, The Street, Hardcore Droid, and Huffington Post.


Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer.

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