Unwritten Social Rules, Millionaire Obstacles, and Hot Actresses

Dear Brian,
What are some unwritten social rules everyone should know?

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who chew with their mouth open or talk while they’re eating. Nobody wants to hear you smacking and slurping on your food, and there’s nothing you have to say so important that it can’t wait until you swallow before you say it.

When you’re trying to turn onto a busy street in the middle of traffic and someone is nice enough to give you space to do so, it’s customary to give them a polite wave to acknowledge your appreciation for them allowing you to get in. They didn’t have to do that, and people always secretly hate those who don’t wave.

Also when driving and you see that traffic is merging, try not to be the person who speeds ahead of the line and cuts in. That’s a quick way to piss people off who also have somewhere to be. Nobody is driving just for the sake of it.

You should always ask somebody before touching their kid or pet. One, it’s polite since they don’t know you and nobody wants some creepster touching them, and two (mostly for animals), you don’t know how they’ll react. Some pets are dangerous and you may get your hand bitten off.

Don’t call people after 9 pm unless you know them well enough to be ok with bothering them, and it’s usually a good idea to call before showing up at someone’s house.

Dear Brian,
What science-based opinions argue against medical cannabis use, if any?

There’s really not much confirmed science around cannabis use because research has been effectively blocked. There have been a few studies based around its side effects, and the basic idea is you need to be careful when inebriated, regardless of what drug it’s from.

As a whole, I think medical cannabis is a funny idea. All drugs are technically medicinal in one way or another, and the drugs we prescribe in western hospitals usually aren’t inherently better at curing anything. They just exist to make you feel better.

Long-term drug use is always a bad idea, but I’d be hypocritical to say that without mentioning I’ve been using drugs most my life. 

Dear Brian,
Who is the hottest Hollywood actress?

This is an interesting question, as it’s completely subjective. People’s idea of hot differ, and I don’t know for sure if you mean the ones I find most attractive or the ones drawing in the biggest audiences. I’ll assume the former, so here are a few Hollywood actresses I wouldn’t turn down a date with (although it’s far from an inclusive list):

Emma Watson


Zoe Saldana

zoe-saldana (1)

Keira Knightley

Actress Keira Knightley, from the film "Anna Karenina", poses for a portrait on Tuesday, Nov. 13, 2012, in Los Angeles. (Photo by Matt Sayles/Invision/AP)

Kristin Kreuk


Olivia Wilde

Olivia Wilde

Kate Beckinsale


Alison Brie

Alison Brie

Rosario Dawson

zoe-saldana (2)

Eva Longoria


Anna Kendrick


Dear Brian,
What are the biggest obstacles to becoming a millionaire?

The money.

There’s also competition – just about everyone wants to be a millionaire, but not everyone can. No matter what path you choose to get that money, you’re going to face a hard road to get there.

In order to make money, you have to convince someone to give it to you. It doesn’t just pop out of thin air. There was a time when I really wanted to be a billionaire, but after thinking it through, I actually rather enjoy my place in life. 

It’s a mindset really. Read books from people who actually are millionaires. They’ll tell you how they got there. I’m just a working-class schmuck like you.

Brian Penny Whistleblower Weed Police gonzoBrian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. His work appears in High Times, Huffington Post, Fast Company, The Street, and Hardcore Droid.


Dr. Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. You can find his work in Cracked, High Times, HuffPost, Lifewire, Forbes, Fast Company, and dozens of other places, although much of it is no longer under his name. Dr. Penny loves annoying fake media.

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