I have to admit, I wasn’t too excited about this week’s episode – Birdperson is easily one of the worst Rick and Morty characters. It was nice, however, to see the boring wedding only served as background for a fantastic second half.
Anywho, the trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk.
Quotable Quote: Beth “Jerry – get a job.”
When someone knocks on the door, Jerry is sent to answer because he’s the man of the house and he has no job. A floating brain-looking alien with a bluetooth headset (which makes it look like a douche) floats to the table and announces the names of the Smith family.
Rick explains it’s a courier flap, which is like an intergalactic version of UPS but less off-putting. He reaches in and pulls out an eggvite from Birdperson.
At first he’s excited, but, upon cracking the egg and watching the hologram, Rick learns he’s being invited to a makemelding on Squanch. As he dumps his plate in the trash, Summer recognizes the voice of his bride – her friend Tammy, who was with him when Birdperson helped Morty in Get Schwifty (S02E05).
When Morty calls Birdperson Rick’s best friend, Rick tells him not to get carried away and tells the courier flap not to RSVP or send a gift because weddings are just funerals with cake.
Quotable Quote – Rick: “If I wanted to watch someone throw their life away, I’d hang out with Jerry all day.”
The courier flap turns to leave, but Beth summons it back to convince Rick to see his friend get married. Jerry makes a joke about Rick having a friend, and Rick’s retort about friendship to Jerry triggers the courier flap to ship Jerry to Squanch, 6000 lightyears across the galaxy, and now we have to go to the Birdperson wedding.
The family arrives on planet Squanch dressed for a wedding, where they’re greeted by Squanchy. Squanchy greets the family (especially Rick, the psycho bag of Squanch), and introduces himself to Beth, who questions his tedious Smurf-like vocabulary.
Rick explains Squanchy language is more contextual than verbal, and people understand so long as you say what’s in your squanch. Beth replies that she squanches her family. When everyone flinches, she repeats it, before Squanchy takes the family in for cocksquanches.
Beth his left holding Jerry’s tux outside speechless and wondering what she said wrong. Just then the courier flap arrives and deposits a dumbstruck Jerry on the ground, covered in a green slime. When he asks where he is, Beth responds that he’s at a wedding, throws the tux on him, and tells him to go change before walking off.
Inside, an alien is jazz-rapping in a jazz-rap style to phat beats with an alien smile. Tammy greets Summer, and they gossip over the ring, which is a pine cone that Birdperson’s grandma fought a squirrel for.
Birdperson greets the family and expresses gratitude for them attending his melding. Rick says he hopes he got a pre-meld, which embarrasses Morty and Beth. When Beth tries to explain it away as him being grumpy from the flight, Rick explains the flight was fine, but he’s upset about the landing.
Rick walks off, and Jerry approaches, finishing up dressing. He starts networking at the gift table, and Beth explains that’s not necessary at an alien wedding in space. Jerry protests, and an argument ensues.
Quotable Quote: Beth “You say you get it, but I’m afraid you’ll keep doing it.”
Tammy’s parents, Pat and Donna Guderman, introduce themselves to Beth and Jerry. Unable to network, Jerry asks about their feelings on their daughter marrying an older birdperson. When they’re not moved, he continues illustrating their age difference throughout her childhood until Beth pulls him aside to find out if he has both feet in his mouth.
Jerry responds that he was transported against his will in a meatball and he needs some slack. Beth tells him to stand in the corner, face the corner, and not talk to anybody.
Rick is sitting at the bar having a drink, and Morty tells him he’s not being very supportive of Birdperson on his big day. Rick retorts Bigperson’s big day was at Blood Ridge on Glapflap’s third moon against the Gromphlamites. Morty disagrees and tries to illustrate to Rick that he’s surrounded by friends and family.
Rick orders a dumb grandson peptalk, which is one part lame advice about stuff you know nothing about and a looooot of vodka. The bartender has vodka, so he takes one of those as he doesn’t need the rest.
Beth tries relating to Birdperson, but Birdperson is stuck talking about the war. The galactic government considers them terrorists, and the guest list includes 17 of the federation’s most wanted. Beth continues discussing her relationship with her father and hopes he had a blast hanging out with her father while he abandoned her.
Beth reaches for a baby quiche but finds out it’s nightcrawler pate.
Squanch officiates the ceremony, and both Tammy and Birdperson read their vows and kiss. At the reception, a cyborg photographer explains he’s not staring, but is a cyborg photographer who doesn’t need a camera and wants everyone to act natural for a candid shot. When he’s waved off, he moves to the next table.
An alien is served a monkey brain (a la Indiana Jones) and freaks out just as Rick taps his glass to toast the newlyweds. He starts off good then ad-libs about how he doesn’t trust marriage since he can turn a black hole into a sun and even he can’t make it work.
We all die alone.
But Birdperson is his best friend, and he loves Tammy too since Birdperson does. The crowd applauds, and Tammy responds that she’s not just a high school teenager from planet Earth. What she really is is a deep cover agent from the galactic federation and everyone is under arrest.
Tammy murders Birdperson, soldiers invade the ceremony, and a Red Wedding ensues. Rick hides the family behind a table and activates the portal gun, but Tammy makes him throw it across the room. Before he does, Rick hits a switch to activate it.
When the portal goes off, it blinds Tammy, and Rick makes his move across the room to the stage, picking up a gun and shooting some soldiers. Tammy shoots the gun out of Rick’s hands, but Squanch stops him, pulling a fang out and swallowing it to grow into a Hulk Squanch.
Quotable Quote: Squanch “How bout a taste of my squanch?”
Rick escapes with the family into a van, but cyborgs give chase. Jerry tries shooting them with a space weapon, but finds its a confetti gun. Rick shakes the ship, spilling nightcrawlers. One cyborg slips and falls, and the other attacks Summer. Beth stabs it in the eye, and throws it out, shutting the door.
Rick then evades the police by dumping nightcrawlers.
In space, Jerry questions Rick for pissing off the government, and Rick tells him not to hate the player. When Jerry and Summer start harping on Rick, he tells them both to fuck off. When Morty interjects, Rick responds with dessert, “fuck you!”
The family wants to go home, but Rick explains Earth will be swarming with police and whoever goes home will be tortured for his location, which he guarantees they won’t know, which he guarantees they won’t believe.
Summer breaks into tears, and Rick searches for a new world. 765 are similar to Earth, and 3 are outside federation boundaries.
The first world looks great, but without an Africa. Turns out it’s too small, so they go to another that has strawberries on a cob, flowers on a cob, mountains on a cob, crows on a cob…Rick soon realizes everything’s on a cob and evacuates the family.
On the third world, everything seems good and with nothing on the cob. The sun rises, and it’s screaming – days are 42 hours, so they stay on the small planet to watch the intergalactic news.
The news shows Earth has been incorporated into the federation, and aliens are now welcome to tour. Rick asks how things are to learn they hunted a rare breed of miniature pig to extinction. Rick leaves to explore the south pole.
Jerry wants to talk about the situation, but Morty doesn’t want to talk behind Rick’s back on a small world. Rick walks to the South Pole and claims it for himself before climbing into an ice cave and finding the planet’s core. From there, he can hear the family talking.
Jerry explains that if they turned in Rick, they’d all be safe. Beth disagrees, and both Morty and Summer explain they love Rick. Beth is proud, but Jerry is confused that no matter how much it hurts or destroys their children’s future, they’re going to do whatever Rick wants because Beth doesn’t want him to leave again.
Having heard, Rick tells Morty he’s leaving for ice cream. Morty explains he can handle his departure, but he’ll break mom’s heart. Rick goes to the driveway over the horizon and leaves. As Nine Inch Nails “Hurt” plays, Rick calls the intergalactic police and turns himself in as Jerry Smith, who loooooves sucking big, sweaty balls and licking furry, disgusting testicle sacks.
Rick sits at a bar and enjoys a drink before going outside to turn himself in. Back on small world, the family realizes he’s gone. Cops show up and rescue them, bringing them back to Earth, where they check in through customs.
Back on Earth, the Smiths take their walk of shame through a now alien-inhabited world. A robot comes by and gives Jerry drugs for his stress. It then announces his debt and tells him where to report to be assigned a function. Jerry excitedly tells Beth he got a job.
Rick is booked into intergalactic prison. When a cellmate asks what he’s in for, he responds, “everything.”
In the post-credits scene, Mr. Poopybutthole is excited about the finale and possibility of a new season.
Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. His work has appeared on Hardcore Droid, High Times, Huffington Post, The Street, BBC, and Fast Company.