The 20 Funniest Stand-Up Comedians of All-Time

Comedy is a necessity in life. If you love to laugh, here’s 20 comedians you must know. Click the pics to support this blog by checking out their work on Amazon…

20 – DeRay Davis

Quotable Joke – “Women talk about nothing. I wish women could run out of words like cell phone minutes.”

19 – Lenny Bruce

Quotable Joke – “The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.”

18 – Stephen Wright

Quotable Joke – “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”

17 – Myq Kaplan

Quotable Joke – “People always assume I’m into other kinds of activism. They’re like, ‘Oh, you’re a vegetarian. Do you care about the environment?’ No, I eat the environment. That’s what we do. It’s made of vegetables.”

16 – Daniel Tosh

Quotable Joke – “She says to me during the act of lovemaking, ‘Hey Daniel, what’s it like having sex with a condom on?’ And I’m like, ‘How should I know?'”

15 – Eddie Murphy

Quotable Joke – “The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone’s advice.”

14 – Maria Bamford

Quotable Joke – “Have you ever seen somebody order in this country? That’s when you realize — hey, maybe we have too much freedom in the United States: ‘Can I ask you a quick question about the coffee? Is it organic? OK, I don’t want it, I don’t want it. I’d like to have a bowl of boiling hot water — boiling, boiling — with ice, and I don’t want the ice to get all tiny.'”

13 – Kevin Hart

Quotable Joke – “I don’t have exes! I have Ys. Like ‘Y the hell did I date you?!’

12 – George Carlin

Quotable Joke – “The worst thing about e-mail is that you can’t interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It’s frustrating and it’s time-consuming. God bless phone calls.”

11 – Dave Chappelle

Quotable Joke – “All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.”

10 – Sarah Silverman

Quotable Joke – “I can’t wait till Sunday, I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece…”

9 – Chris Rock

Quotable Joke – “White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says ‘guns’? Congressional hearing: ‘Oh, my God, that nigger said gun, and he rhymed it with fun!'”

8 – Mitch Hedberg

Quotable Joke – My lucky number is four billion…That doesn’t come in real handy when you’re gambling…Come on, four billion! Fuck…Seven…Not even close…I need more dice! Four billion divided by six…At least.”

7 – Larry the Cable Guy

Quotable Joke – “I had a girl put on crotch-less britches for my birthday one time. I come home, she was like, ‘Want some of this right here.’ I go, ‘No, look what it did to your under-britches over there.'”

6 – Lewis Black

Quotable Joke – “How our government works… it doesn’t.”

5 – Russell Peters

Quotable Joke – Basically all they are showing you of the Arab World are the red necks of the Arab World.”

4 – Doug Stanhope

Quotable Joke – “If you ever find the perfect person, run so fast that they see flames shoot out of your ass ’cause all the perfect person does is amplify your flaws a thousand-fold. It makes you feel like that much more of a dick: I used to be a partier; now, I’m an alcoholic. It’s all in who’s judging.”

3 – Richard Pryor

Quotable Joke – “The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.”

2 – Bill Hicks

Quotable Joke – “Not all drugs are good, all right? Some of them… are great. Just gotta know your way around them, is all.”

1 – Louis CK

Quotable Joke – “I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. I spend whole days with people, I’m like, ‘I never would have hung out with you. I didn’t choose you. Our children chose each other based on no criteria by the way. They’re the same size. They don’t care who they make me hang out with.'”

Want more lists? Check out: The 20 Best Video Games…Ever…

Brian Penny bank of America balboa qbeBrian Penny is a former business analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower and freelance writer. He’s a frequent contributor to Huffington PostMainstreetLifehack, and HardcoreDroid and an affiliate of Manduka and Tazo. He documents his experiences working with Anonymous, practicing yoga, and fighting the banks on his blog.


Dr. Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. You can find his work in Cracked, High Times, HuffPost, Lifewire, Forbes, Fast Company, and dozens of other places, although much of it is no longer under his name. Dr. Penny loves annoying fake media.

4 thoughts on “The 20 Funniest Stand-Up Comedians of All-Time

  • August 29 at 9:11 pm

    Who ever came up with this list is probably the least funny person ever, or at least has the worst taste ever! Sarah Silverman ranked higher than Dave Chappelle? Larry the Cable guy belongs on a list with Carlos Mencia, as the worst comedians ever! Shame on you!

  • August 29 at 9:06 pm

    Sarah Silverman ranked higher than Dave Chappelle is just ridiculous! Larry the Cable guy? Really? Larry the cable guy belongs on a list with Carlos Mencia, both horrifically bad comedians.

  • July 29 at 1:15 am

    This is the most hideous list ever.

  • April 18 at 2:29 am

    This list is dogshit. Do your research. Larry the Cable Guy is #7… he doesn’t even belong on this list. You should be ashamed.


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