The Counterculture Has Trends Too, Hippiecrite…

“Burning Man is too commercial.”

“The cannabis industry is too corporate.”

“Kids today don’t know anything about ____.”

“Music just isn’t what it used to be.”

We’ve all heard someone say something along these lines. No matter what you’re into, there’s someone already there ready to throw stones at you, belittle you, call you a scenester, hipster, noob, script-kiddie, etc. We’re all Ahmed Mohammed (#IStandByAhmed despite knowing he did it on purpose).

The human condition is all about discovery and sharing our combined knowledge, and yet for every culture, there’s an inevitable counterculture that hates everything being done and wants everyone to instead live their lives by following this other set of rules that they determine with no prior knowledge of why we are where we are today.

This generation we’re blaming millennials and Generation Z for all these problems. When I was a kid, it was Generation X being blamed. When baby boomers were kids, it was the same thing. Some of this haterade is fueled by age and is really just the old criticizing the new. Being in my mid 30’s, I’m closer to the old than the new, but I don’t think like my peers do – I support disruption of youth.

Neon Purple Tree EDC

Burner Bridges

The funny part about this constant struggle between young and old, parents making rules and kids breaking them, is the issues people choose to argue about. Check this out…

Burning Man is too commercial. Burning Man has been too commercial since before you ever heard about it. Burning Man used to be a couple of friends burning a wooden statue on the summer solstice. As soon as they decided to invite you, it became all the things you claim to hate about it now. It doesn’t matter when you started showing up – you’re still a part of the over commercialization you’re complaining about.

So what’s the problem people have with Burning Man?

Part of it is that it’s organized and part of it is because when the community is open to anyone, anyone shows up, and all those peace and love promoting hippies start getting jealous at the rich people, the businessmen, the entrepreneurs, and anyone else in this world who’s trying to unwind just because they don’t fit the hippie vision of what a hippie should be.

Now that Burning Man is too commercial, the counterculture is creating regional anti-Burning Man burner events all over the country nowhere near the summer solstice, thus negating any of the positive energy effects they’re trying to mimic. The counterculture event that started as an anti-art and anti-establishment movement spurred an anti-anti movement against it.

There’s a term “reverse racism” that’s a dumb term to use, but it’s pretty much what we see going on here. The counterculture wants everyone to listen to them (otherwise you’re dumb sheeple), and when you do listen to them, you’re nothing more than a scenester or poser.

So what these hippies are trying to tell you is that no matter what anyone else does, they’re the sole person who “knows what’s up,” and everyone else is an idiot who should obey and follow them.

Obey what though? And follow you where?

EDC 2015 Guy Fawkes Raver

Nobody Can Enjoy Anything

From all data we’ve seen over the course of human history, it’s obvious these hippies who claim to hold the keys to what’s considered counterculture and what’s too corporate are simply promoting peace while being filled with hate internally. They don’t want you enjoying anything, least of all if you have money. They’re fighting the growth and natural evolution of their own movement, which will always be anti-whatever-you’re-into.

Have a job? Some dirty hippie hates you for being a sellout.

Married and have kids? A dirty hippie judges you for being too scared to face life alone.

Want to help a hippie? They don’t need it.

This particular segment of the population will only be happy when everyone quits everything, burns everything, and the world descends into anarchy. Of course we all know that in a situation of anarchy, there’d be no one to stop the rednecks, conservatives, and all those other parties out there from coming in to beat, rape, and kill all those hippies.

One can’t help but laugh at someone who hates human society despite human society being the only thing protecting them from the long string of violence and rape that led to the formation of society in the first place. A hippie wants peace, but hates the authority necessary to ensure that peace, and this is why people with money and power don’t care what that anarchist activist environmentalist hippie thinks.

No one ever changed their world view because some poorly-dressed yokel held up a cardboard sign, yelled at them, and insulted them. And why are you even holding those signs when we have Twitter?

If I were a hippie looking to change the world, I’d probably work with the information I have and try relating to others instead of assuming I’m the sole person capable of googling the right answer. We all know the problems our world faces, but only a hippie thinks those problems still exist because they’re the only one who sees the problem.

Rick and Morty S02E06 The Ricks Must Be Crazy Peace Among Worlds

Look for Almond Milk

What never ceases to make me laugh whenever someone starts jumping down my throat about how dumb I am for not becoming a vegan and promoting natural, healthy, organic, local, green, blah, blah, blah, etc. lifestyles is the most obvious form of hypocrisy sitting in their fridge.

These people will tell you corporations are bad and that processed foods are bad. They’ll say anyone living in a city is destroying the environment. They’ll say disease is caused by us not eating healthy, organic foods…and then they’ll open their fridge and pour themselves a glass of almond milk.

Almonds are one of the most water-intensive crops you can grow, and it’s primarily grown in California, where they’re suffering a terrible drought. In order to make almond milk, these almonds are then processed by grinding them into a powder and adding additives for flavor and nutritional value. Then they mix the powder with even more water.

Almond milk is not only just as processed as a frozen pizza, it’s all sold by the same company, which is raking in profits on the backs of the almond milk trend.

I’m not one of those trendy scenesters though, so I don’t destroy the environment with my trendy almond milk; I drink regular milk like everyone else while appreciating all the wonders of the world created before I was ever born and the people who worked to make it happen while hateful hippies bitched and griped about them being too mainstream.

Brian Penny Beard Versability Harley Quinn Arkham KnightBrian Penny is a former business analyst and operations manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. His work has appeared in Huffington Post, Fast Company, BBC, AM/FM radio, Hardcore Droid, High Times, and The Street.


Dr. Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. You can find his work in Cracked, High Times, HuffPost, Lifewire, Forbes, Fast Company, and dozens of other places, although much of it is no longer under his name. Dr. Penny loves annoying fake media.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: