Strip clubs are the dankest, darkest, most disgusting places on the planet. We all slum in one every once in a while, but only a lowlife piece of human garbage makes a career out of stripping. Here are the top 10 reasons I never lower myself to the subhuman standards needed to ever work in a strip club.
10. It’s high pressure sales. Strippers just want to squeeze money out of you. You just want to take them home to use them for sex. They just want to take money. That tug of war is the fuel that makes that ship run.
9. Everyone’s lying. Strippers just smile and nod. They agree with everything, but they don’t know anything. They spend their lives looking at their phones and grinding on men’s crotches. They have no substance.
8. It’s dirty. I’ve never been to a clean strip club ever. A lot of the clubs in Tucson actually serve food. I knew my neighbor was a dirty person to never touch when she talked about eating the food at that filthy sex club she worked at her entire life.
7. Everything is loud. From the music to the lighting to the costumes and caked-on clown makeup the diseased whores are wearing inside. Strip clubs are just gawdy and loud.
6. Career strippers are PATHETIC. I once knew a career stripper. This pathetic woman was 40 years old and still had no career, education, life accomplishments – nothing. She just played a pathetic, pitiful victim in life. Her parents are ashamed of her, and so is she. Anyone who can’t pull out of being a stripper is nothing short of immature and pathetic.
5. Self esteem is in short supply. Pretty much every sex worker I ever met was ashamed of their career. Strippers are hollow and empty people who live hollow and empty lives. You can tell a career stripper because she only dates bouncers. They’re the only people that could possibly “understand” that all they ever want to be in life is a meaningless sex object.
4. Everyone is gross. The strippers are gross in strip clubs. The food is gross. The customers are gross. The bathrooms are gross. It’s just a gross place I’d never go. I’d be embarrassed if I worked in such a low-class place.
3. Delusions are skin deep. A stripper will tell you she’s a pilot, but really she only sucked pilot’s dicks near the airport to pay rent. She’ll tell you she’s an artist, but she has no skill. Everything in a stripper’s life is fake – the tits, the hair, the personality, and all their stories.
2. Lights and liquor. Flashing lights and liquor are meant to disorientate you. The women dancing in strip clubs are never hot. We have a saying around Southern Arizona where I grew up about “Tucson Tens,” who are only hot when compared to the javelinas and cacti. These are the types of trashy women you’ll find in a strip club – not the type you actually want to marry, be friends with, be proud of knowing, etc.
1. Selfish entitlement. Let’s be real – nobody chooses sex as a career unless they have absolutely nothing else to offer the world. Everyone knows that path leads to you becoming old, lonely, broke, and just as desperate and depressed at 60 as you were at 6. Every time I step into a strip club, I see only selfish, thieving liars who will never pull their pathetic lives out of the gutters.
I’ll never forget the time my friend Alex beat up a strip club parking lot manager who tried to act like he owned something. I’ll never forget the brief couple months I dated a Tucson stripper before dumping her for being a broke, pathetic burden on everyone in her life.
I’ve never met anyone you can trust who made stripping a career. Porn stars at least put their name out there. Strippers and hookers are those anonymous sex workers who end up dead with nobody even caring. I have no respect for them, and that’s why I don’t go to strip clubs.