The Real Dill Is the Perfect Pickle (But Their Bloody Mary Sucks) I was an adult before I ate a real, fresh pickle.

I love pickles, but I don’t understand why they’re always forced on hamburgers. In fact, the last place I would ever eat a pickle is on a hamburger. Especially not the disgusting, cheap, soggy messes they have in burger joints.

But pickles themselves are delicious. And not just pickled cucumbers, mind you. Everything can be pickled. Pickled eggs, tofu, fish, green beans, carrots, jalapenos, tomatoes, and even fruit like apples, cherries, watermelon rind, and citrus taste amazing when pickled. Alongside jellies and jams, pickling is one of my favorite methods of preserving food.

It’s pretty easy to do, too. It just takes vinegar and pickling salt at its most basic level. You can get fancy to make delicacies like kimchi (pickled and fermented spiced cabbage) and sauerkraut (pickled cabbage without the spicy), and a host of other treats.

Lack of Good Pickles

Unfortunately, there aren’t many decent pickles in the world. Outside of white labeled store brands, which basically come from the others, we have Vlasic, Claussen, and Mt. Olive to choose from in Arizona grocery stores. None is particularly flavorful.

They’re all soggy, discolored, often containing artificial flavors and so much sugar and other bad ingredients. That “kosher” dill has to be separated from the rest always makes me uneasy too. I’m not Jewish, but I recognize what kosher means, and when plants aren’t considered kosher, it bothers me. It’s very easy to get a pareve listed as kosher – it just needs not have small insects and larvae or be processed on equipment that processed meat or dairy.

And the pickles in store jars are only good when compared to the limp, soggy messes that are on our burgers. It’s like going from a level -10 to a solid 0. You feel like you’re getting something, but it’s only because of the comparison.

I constantly reach out the PR reps and marketing agencies, so I went on the hunt for decent pickles the past few years, and I keep coming back to one brand.

The Real Dill, a Colorado-based pickle company, consistently serves up the best small-batch pickles I ever tasted. Not only are the cucumbers (and other vegetables) better quality than I find in store jar pickles, but the flavor variety goes above and beyond what’s on our shelves.

Real Dill Craft Pickles

A Dilly of a Pickle

The Real Dill’s pickles look handcrafted, artisinal, and well-made. The flavors I have above are Caraway Garlic, Jalapeno Honey, and Habanero Horseradish (I’m a fan of spicy foods). They also have seasonal varieties like Thai Chile Ginger and Spicy Caribbeans.

Over the past three years, I’ve probably eaten about a dozen jars of Real Dill pickles (along with a few others), and I still love them the most. When you bite into one of these pickles, it tastes like a cucumber. It’s as fresh and juicy as the cucumbers I use for my green juice.

They fight back when you bite into them, and when you cut through with your teeth, you can feel and hear the snap. That’s the sign of a really good pickle. And it’s not just cucumbers.

We also tried this year’s Creole Spiced Okra, and it’s exactly what you’re hoping for. It’s not super hot – in fact, it’s actually really mild on the spice meter. But because Creole spices are used, it’s as flavorful as your favorite gumbo.

The only problem I do have is with the company’s Bloody Mary mix.

A Bloody Bad Bloody Mary

The only downside to the Real Dill is its Bloody Mary, which appears to just be a hodgepodge of every leftover spice and pickle they have. I love a good Bloody Mary during Sunday brunch, but neither the neighbor nor I could make it through this. It’s too complicated.

The amount of flavor is an everything bagel multiplied by 100. It’s just too much. Caraway, pepper, salt, habanero, and so many other things hit the tongue that you start to crave the soothing flavor of the vodka in it.

These people have no idea how to make a decent drink, but their pickles are simply out of this world. Check them out at


Dr. Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. You can find his work in Cracked, High Times, HuffPost, Lifewire, Forbes, Fast Company, and dozens of other places, although much of it is no longer under his name. Dr. Penny loves annoying fake media.

2 thoughts on “The Real Dill Is the Perfect Pickle (But Their Bloody Mary Sucks)

  • September 10 at 2:15 pm

    Glad you liked our pickles! And while we are sorry to hear that you didn’t love the Bloody Mary Mix, we got a good laugh from the “everything bagel” comment! Of course, we stand behind our products 100% so please reach out to us so that we can send you a free replacement (product of your choice) for that Bloody Mary Mix. Thanks and keep ip the good work!

    • September 29 at 5:20 pm

      You’re always welcome to send any products. I’ll happily share them with people.


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